It was just another night, with the sunset and the moon rise not so far behind

A transformation has occured. No, I'm not talking about Britney from adorable teenage pop princess to skanky white trashy person, that happened a long time ago. I'm talking about moi. As in me in french. Not that this has anything to do with french. I'm sorry i'm high on this nail nailvarnish from OPI

no I haven't been sniffing it, I tried my hand at a home manicure this morning, and it went pretty well.

Today was basically a day of detox for me. I exfoliated in the shower (oh my god it was painful. like rubbing sandpaper on my limbs.) and died my hair using henna.

I was going to post up pictures but then I realised I don't have a digital camera so just try and imagine a small, 19 year old asian girl with dark dark dark brown hair and painful looking arms. It was the exfoliation, I took it a bit too far.

So I was flicking through all my old ELLEgirl magazines to find some cool eye makeup ideas seeing as it wasn't exactly sunny today (um, it was kind of torrential) and I decided to wear some false eyelashes that I had glued beads to (you can't see the glue, don't worry) and this sheer lipstick from Stila

If you can't tell already, I only wear glamourous clothes, but I guess I started dressing down a little when I was with CIB, but now I'm back with bang and getting back into pencil skirts because it's the last time I'll be able to wear them before summer begins, so I wore my extremely tight kind of lycra-fied american apparel pencil skirt with these incredible socks from Eley Kishimoto (I deserve to splurge, I'm going through a bad break up),a plain white blouse with the cuffs turned up that I tucked into my skirt and a trench coat for the rain. It looks like a proper sherlock holmes coat, but I got it for £15 pounds at Rokit, And lasy but not least, some good old fashioned 5 inch heels from shelley's.

and I got all dressed up to go out to.... Marks and Spencer's to do the weekly shop.

What? I like dressing up.

Plus it's a good start for me, I was almost getting used to wallowing in my own self pity and I want to get on with my life. I'm thinking of getting a new job and training at an art school or something like that. I'll have to raise a lot of money but I'm willing to do so, I haven't got anything else on with my life at the moment.

pops and CIB update: CIB seems to have just vanished off the face of the earth, and good riddance, Pops and I had a good sit down chat last night and talked everything out. She seems really sorry but I still can't believe she would do such a thing. It's going to take a lot from her to get me to forgive her and think of her as a friend again, I don't think we'll ever be as close as we were before. I would type out the conversation but I think it's a bit harsh on her, some things are meant to be kept to yourself.

i think it might take another week for me to become sexy... so for now, a survey I stole

as in, my plan for half the week being slobbish and half the week being productive just isn't working out, so, you know, it will be a while 'till I stop watching legally blonde and stuffing my face with celery (it's a weird comfort food of mine. celery is calming. no? nobody? i'm so lame)

1. What's your middle name?
Eliabeth. Yeah, I know, it's like my parents rtied to deny the fact that we're from vietnam and so gave me a posh english lady's name. tut.

2. Is your cell phone a flip phone?

pssht, no. I live in London, mobile phones are all we have. That being said, I have a really ugly nokia one that, hey! someone's calling me on right now

3. Have you ever been to New Jersey?
i've been to jersey. as in, the island off the coast of france. But no, I've never been to America.

4. What's your favorite soda?
i think you mean fizzy drink, yes? well, i would say... diet coke. I'm a good old fashioned londoner.

5. Do you have satellite?

I've got a box that passes for a t.v and a dvd player that I got bootleg from hong kong. the only channel we have is four. which is ok, because then I get ugly betty.

6. Where did you go to college?

i regret to say that I'm 19 (yes, I had my birthday while I was away living in a fantasy world with cute indie bastard... thankyou ) and I haven't even thought about going to uni. I think the whole premiss that to get far in life you need some crappy diploma is messed up. the whole education system is messed up in the UK though.

7. What's the longest road trip you've been on?

after rehab I went to brighton, blackpool, all the way up to wales and back to london with pops and eve. it was wicked. I must be the only living person who says wicked anymore.

8. Did you go to a private school?

no, I was a state school fuck up. I blame state school for everything.

9. What's your favorite smiley?

i'm in a very bad mood today, let's just not talk about smileys, shall we?

10. Do you buy lottery tickets in hopes of winning?

when I turned 16, in stead of being all 'yay! i can legally have sex with people 16 years old and over now!' I said, 'yay! I can play the lottery!'. For 2 months I bought lottery tickets when I could. Mind you, I was off my face half the time so I didn't really know what I was doing

11. What year were you born in?
 1988. the year of.... my birth

12. Do you like the smell of Sharpies?

what? I dont have a solvent abuse problem. what? go away.
but on a serious note, nail polish, petrol smell and markers are just... mmm delightful smelling

13. What does your screensaver look like?:

eve and I as 14 year old lovers (friends). We are in trafgalgar square sitting on the lions being heckled by policemen. that was a fun time.

14. Do you have an iPod?:

i basically have no money.

15. What's your biggest pet peeve?

oh... i dunno, small things like your best friend making out with your boyfriend.
also people who leave milk out of the fridge. It's just irresponsible.

16. What shoe size do you wear?:

UK 5. US 7.

17. What's your favorite kind of cereal?:
golden nuggets. never heard of them? look them up. buy them. it's like little balls of sugar with fun mazes on the back of the box

18. Do you ever listen to Classical music?

if classical means 'the cure' then yes, lots.

19. What kind of instruments do you play? 

the cure. I'm sorry? you say that isn't an instrument? you obviously haven't lived.

20. Do you like Girl Scout cookies?

we dont have girl scouts in london. sad, but true.

21. Have you ever ridden in a limo? 

in some dreams, yes.

22. Do you like Hummers?
I'm sorry, I'm not good at cars

24. Are you scared of horses? 

no girl is scared of horses. all girls embrace horses and wish they had them. oh, there's more betty crocker icing left in the fridge. I think I might eat it.

25. Do you like milk chocolate or dark chocolate?
um, white chocolate

26. Do you wear glasses?:

HAH, nerd.

27. Does it annoy you when people misspell things?
i'm dislexik. i'm joking. but I'm not. I am actually dyslexic, but i can spell dyslexic, god. I mainly use spell checker

28. Do you like the beach or the mountains:

beach, by far. nothing beats a windy day on brighton pier with a big bag of fudge and criminal intent. i mean...

29. Have you ever taken cough medicine when you didn't have a cough?:

if I said yes would you report me?

30. Have you ever been to band camp?

no. who goes to band camp?

31. Do you know any guys with a receding hair line?

my father is bald, always has been. i feel bad that his hair line started receding when he was 27.

32. Do you know what Chacos are?

sounds like tacos

34. Have you ever watched Room Raiders on MTV?:

i told you, channel four is all i have

35. What's the best Christmas present you've ever got?
french knickers from george. ginger george. also, this cool jukebox pops and eve got me jointly when I got out fo rehab. ok, so it wasn't christmas but it felt like it.

36. What's your favorite Popsicle flavor?
pops. pops tried to apologise but she burst into tears half way through and ran out of the flat. i suppose it's a start

37. Did your parents give you an allowance?:
um, yeah, but I spent all of it every month on things that i didn't need.

38. Did you ever watch Rugrats when you were little?
no. i watched... I can't remember. something odd.

39. How many myspace groups have you joined?
I'm proud to say that I've never had a myspace or a facebook or a faceparty (yeah, it exists, how strange).

40. What do you think of standardized tests?:

see the university question.

41. What's the craziest thing you have ever done?

teehee. not telling

42. Have you ever cheated on a test?:
of course. I'm british. I went to a state school. I EXPLAINED THIS ALL BEFORE.

43. Is tomorrow your birthday?:

no...

44. Have you ever choked on your own spit? 

people kept answering this question like 'EW, god, who does that?'. well, I have. so now you know.

45. Do you like roller coasters?:
has anyone been on that one in alton towers, the one that goes straight up and down? classic(I really apologise to my american readers, I'm using so much english slang. 'classicbasically means anything from 'fun' to 'cool' You can say, 'it was a classic party' meaning it was a fun party, or 'he was classic', meaning he was funny. so there we have it. if you have any other english slang queries, I'm willing to help)

46. When was the last time you went roller blading?

never..?

47. Have you ever wished you had a twin?:

no. because my parents would have liked him/her more. i.e. even more dropping of self esteem

48. Do you have a caffeine addiction?:
no, I have a ben and jerry's addiction. really. I have to go ALL THE WAY to oxford street just to get a fix. and I do.

49. Do you get claustrophobic easily?:

no. I'm agraphoobic. which is good because our flat is the most cramped thing in the world

50. Would you ever kiss on the first date?:

of course god, everybody has to stop being prudes... or maybe i'll stop being a slut.

oh look what you've done, you've made a fool of everyone

How to start a post so full of drama! I know, I'll start by saying that my Phish Food eating record has slowed down to a measly 3 minutes per tub, but I'm practising. believe me, I'm practising...
I think I should do this quick and painful, like ripping off a plaster (you know, I've never actually had that much pain from plasters, maybe it's a british thing?), but on second thoughts, I'm going to drag it out and make it as painful for you as it was for me because that's the only way to make a post out of it!

CIB and I were serious up until a week ago, when we broke up. I would never have even thought that we would break it off so soon, but CIB obviously had other plans.
Everything was going really great (according to me, at least), we would take turns going to each others flats, he would surprise me after a long day of work with some thai buffet, candles and flowers, we took a trip to the lake district together over one weekend! Towards the end of last month, about a week before he broke up with me, he 'got really swamped at work', and Eva (do you remember her! Wow, it's been so long!) and I became close like we were when we were mere 14 year olds, while Pops and I grew apart. She became really irritable around me and she would always scoff when CIB and I ever had any PDA moments while she was around, so I kind of ignored all her negative behaviour while CIB and I were getting serious and Eves and I were going out together.
One night, Eves, Pops and I were supposed to go out for drinks in Camden so Pops and I could do some bonding, but she felt really ill, so it was just Eves and I. About an hour into hour night, my feet absolutely killed, so after a gruelling half hour waiting for/being on the tube to get home, I come home to see Pops lying on the couch. No, she wasn't dead, something much worse.
CIB was on top of her.
And they were kissing.
On the sofa.

Jesus, I really... I'm not really sure how to say this. It's been really hard for me, I mean, Pops was my best friend. And I had no idea that CIB was doing thigns with other girls, let alone my best friend. What kind of boyfriend does that???

This all happened... 10 days, 2 hours and a half ago.
I haven't talked to Pops since. I can't even look at her, we're flatmates so I'm not just doing it for dramatic affect, I really find it hard to wake up at 8 in the morning and walk into your kitchen in your underpants to see your best friend... or whatever she is now standing there in her underpants making tea. It doesn't hit me at first, and then I realise that CIB has probably seen her in her underpants as well, my ex-boyfriend saw her in her underpants while he was still my boyfriend, and she thinks she can just walk around and make tea and read magazines and go to work every day like nothing has happened?? I dont see or hear her apologising to me, which just makes it even worse. I know her, and I know that she does this. She doesn't talk, she hates confrontation, but how can you do that? Just ignore me? I'm the one doing the ignoring, what the fuck is wrong with her??

Basically, I've called sick from work for the next week, so I'll be in the flat at all times, and because of this, I've bought some provisions-

about 3 pairs of these silly overpriced sweatpants from American Apparell (I'm also adding pictures so you can just soak up all that's just been said. Usually I dont do pictures, I've only ever done one post with pictures of clothes, and the rest are all food pictures. Mmm... food)

about 5 tubs of Phish Food ice cream- what else?

pretty much every fashion and gossip magazine I could find at the magazine stall around the corner, because when I'm not crying or eating, I've got to find something to occupy me so I dont cry or... eat

Movies! of course Sainsbury's had some silly '£3 for 4 movies' thing going on, so I bought...
emplyee of the month (I couldn't help myself, it was on sale!)

the baz luhrman romeo and juliet, finally! I've been meaning to buy that for months now

the notebook, of course!

and moulin rouge, but there will be more movie buying to come, I assure you

I also bought some wifebeaters from AA, just because £22 really is a small price to pay for a bit of stringy ribbed fabric to complete my whole slob look

Now, I know myself like.... i cant think of a funny thing to put here so instead I'll just say that I know myself, and for half this week I'm going to be slobbing around crying and being fat, and for the other half I'm going to be trying to get slim and sexy and cleaning up a bit, so I've made a handy dandy shopping list for when that time comes, I thought I'd share it with you...

heels, lots of them. I still have this £100 voucher from shelly's- which is literally opposite the U.O, so that means about a 40 second walk from the flat, so people will only see me in my horrible, stained wifebeater wearing state for around that time until I make it into the shelter of Shelly's... I guess I'll have to avoid Pops though

a new purse! It's summer so I think I might get me one of those see-through baggies, they have some really cute ones in Nine West right now I think

that fake tan cum moisturiser thing

a whole bunch of body shop products, namely- shampoo, conditioner, henna for my hair (I'm going to try dark brown and I want to do it naturally), body wash, a loofa, sun screen, some more lip balm

shorts galore! I really need me some cute denim shorts from miss sixty, and there are some v. v. nice city-ish shorts in the U.O that I can get with my staff discount (yay!)

cute rain mac thing. rain mac is the ugly word for it... I want something waterproof. In jacket form

basically a lot of summer clothes

flip flops

a new pair of jeans (wow, this list is getting bigger than I originally thought)

a hair cut, I'm so bored with this shoulder length straight-ness right now

a manicure and pedicure

and that's it I think!

I'll probably post again tomorrow, maybe a bit later, you know, if I find the time between eating half my body weight in ice cream and crying out half my body weight in tears... oooh, then I'd weigh zero stone! sounds appealing...

Anyway, until then, bye my lovelies!

if it's a question of timing, I'll wait

yes, Holly is back from the dead and I have a lot of stuff to tell, but don't get excited just yet, I have to comment everybody and update the links, etc.
a brief update- Arty Preppy Guy and I had.... a little thing. It wasn't anything big, it wouldn't even constitute cheating on CIB (I'll get to him later on), but he's moved out to NYC, so no more chances to get married have a host of little cute half asian kids with beautiful eyes and a flair for art.... damn.
CIB- wow, what can I say, really? A LOT, is the answer to that. We broke up, long story short, but of course there's drama, but I'm saving that for the next post, so keep your trousers on and just wait for a day or two!

out of order

It's been such a long time since I've posted, and I sincerely apologise. Me and CIB have gotten all serious, and APG and I are friends although he doesn't know whether or not to go back to chicago.
Anyway, I've been terribly busy, and I don't think I'll be doing any posts for a while.
I'll probably return... I'd say in May or June, so check back when those months come around!
It's been fun and pretty short, but I promise I'll be back
xxx Holly

Lovecats

First I would just like to say thanks to all of you that care so much about my life. So many people have given me advice about CIB and APG, so thankyou for all that.
Me and CIB have only met up once since he asked me to be his girlfriend and it was in valentines day. I don't usually celebrate these days that are just set up by Hallmark to make abitof extra cash, but this is the first time i've had a boyfriend for valentines for too long. He took me to see another indie band and he did say who they were but to tell you the truth I was so busy just staring into his gorgeous eyes that I can't remember anything he said. Except for that he loves me! Yes folks, I really am in love with CIB, and as I haven't seen APG for quite a while i'm just going to think of him as a friend, only a friend and nothing more.
So, what else is new?
Well, I got some gorgeous shoes free from urban outfitters because the heel had broken, but Pops took them into work (she works at Shellys if I haven't mentioned that before) and someone she knows there fixed them, and now they're as good as new. They're not on the website but they are purple patent and extremely high. I love them.
Oh, another exciting thing is that after after just over two weeks i've been able to drop my job at Macdonalds and i'm just working longer hours at the U.O so that's all cool.
cheerio for now, i'll keep you posted on CIB.

ps. for valentines day he bought me a bunch of roses.

I just don't know what to do with myself

I took molly's advice and attempted whipping CIB into shape last night, to save me from writing anything truly horrific in my confused state, I'll just do the roleplay here.

Me- What happened on that date last time?

CIB- Nothing

Me- Listen, if you don't want to go out with me or you want to go out with someone else then just tell me because I could just be wasting my time on you and I could be doing a lot better.

pause

CIB- Will you be my girlfriend?

Me- What?

CIB- You know, like proper

Me- But you don't like me

CIB- what? of course I like you, I just asked you to be my girlfriend

Me- Oh

cue big sloppy kiss.

I'm so confused, I said yes in the end because I seriously like him, but what about APG?? I know some people said that I should go for him and I was contemplating it, almost hoping that CIB would say, 'no sorry, I don't like you whatsoever, please leave and get yourself another guy'. Ok, that was the crappest sentence on the face of the earth.
Anyway, I just don't know what to doooo. ARGH.
Well, obviously I can't do much cos I'm CIB's girlfriend (Oh gosh, I feel so restricted) now, and what the hell will I tell APG? We're going out for drinks tonight. But just as friends. I should tell him that I'm CIB's girlfriend. But then maybe he'd think that I was assuming that he was interested romantically in me, which I do, but maybe he thought he was being subtle and stuff.
bloody hell.
Going out with CIB wednesday night, I think he's taking me to a roller disco, he did buy me some skates. But maybe he's just weird. I'll let you know how things go with APG.