oh look what you've done, you've made a fool of everyone

How to start a post so full of drama! I know, I'll start by saying that my Phish Food eating record has slowed down to a measly 3 minutes per tub, but I'm practising. believe me, I'm practising...
I think I should do this quick and painful, like ripping off a plaster (you know, I've never actually had that much pain from plasters, maybe it's a british thing?), but on second thoughts, I'm going to drag it out and make it as painful for you as it was for me because that's the only way to make a post out of it!

CIB and I were serious up until a week ago, when we broke up. I would never have even thought that we would break it off so soon, but CIB obviously had other plans.
Everything was going really great (according to me, at least), we would take turns going to each others flats, he would surprise me after a long day of work with some thai buffet, candles and flowers, we took a trip to the lake district together over one weekend! Towards the end of last month, about a week before he broke up with me, he 'got really swamped at work', and Eva (do you remember her! Wow, it's been so long!) and I became close like we were when we were mere 14 year olds, while Pops and I grew apart. She became really irritable around me and she would always scoff when CIB and I ever had any PDA moments while she was around, so I kind of ignored all her negative behaviour while CIB and I were getting serious and Eves and I were going out together.
One night, Eves, Pops and I were supposed to go out for drinks in Camden so Pops and I could do some bonding, but she felt really ill, so it was just Eves and I. About an hour into hour night, my feet absolutely killed, so after a gruelling half hour waiting for/being on the tube to get home, I come home to see Pops lying on the couch. No, she wasn't dead, something much worse.
CIB was on top of her.
And they were kissing.
On the sofa.

Jesus, I really... I'm not really sure how to say this. It's been really hard for me, I mean, Pops was my best friend. And I had no idea that CIB was doing thigns with other girls, let alone my best friend. What kind of boyfriend does that???

This all happened... 10 days, 2 hours and a half ago.
I haven't talked to Pops since. I can't even look at her, we're flatmates so I'm not just doing it for dramatic affect, I really find it hard to wake up at 8 in the morning and walk into your kitchen in your underpants to see your best friend... or whatever she is now standing there in her underpants making tea. It doesn't hit me at first, and then I realise that CIB has probably seen her in her underpants as well, my ex-boyfriend saw her in her underpants while he was still my boyfriend, and she thinks she can just walk around and make tea and read magazines and go to work every day like nothing has happened?? I dont see or hear her apologising to me, which just makes it even worse. I know her, and I know that she does this. She doesn't talk, she hates confrontation, but how can you do that? Just ignore me? I'm the one doing the ignoring, what the fuck is wrong with her??

Basically, I've called sick from work for the next week, so I'll be in the flat at all times, and because of this, I've bought some provisions-

about 3 pairs of these silly overpriced sweatpants from American Apparell (I'm also adding pictures so you can just soak up all that's just been said. Usually I dont do pictures, I've only ever done one post with pictures of clothes, and the rest are all food pictures. Mmm... food)

about 5 tubs of Phish Food ice cream- what else?

pretty much every fashion and gossip magazine I could find at the magazine stall around the corner, because when I'm not crying or eating, I've got to find something to occupy me so I dont cry or... eat

Movies! of course Sainsbury's had some silly '£3 for 4 movies' thing going on, so I bought...
emplyee of the month (I couldn't help myself, it was on sale!)

the baz luhrman romeo and juliet, finally! I've been meaning to buy that for months now

the notebook, of course!

and moulin rouge, but there will be more movie buying to come, I assure you

I also bought some wifebeaters from AA, just because £22 really is a small price to pay for a bit of stringy ribbed fabric to complete my whole slob look

Now, I know myself like.... i cant think of a funny thing to put here so instead I'll just say that I know myself, and for half this week I'm going to be slobbing around crying and being fat, and for the other half I'm going to be trying to get slim and sexy and cleaning up a bit, so I've made a handy dandy shopping list for when that time comes, I thought I'd share it with you...

heels, lots of them. I still have this £100 voucher from shelly's- which is literally opposite the U.O, so that means about a 40 second walk from the flat, so people will only see me in my horrible, stained wifebeater wearing state for around that time until I make it into the shelter of Shelly's... I guess I'll have to avoid Pops though

a new purse! It's summer so I think I might get me one of those see-through baggies, they have some really cute ones in Nine West right now I think

that fake tan cum moisturiser thing

a whole bunch of body shop products, namely- shampoo, conditioner, henna for my hair (I'm going to try dark brown and I want to do it naturally), body wash, a loofa, sun screen, some more lip balm

shorts galore! I really need me some cute denim shorts from miss sixty, and there are some v. v. nice city-ish shorts in the U.O that I can get with my staff discount (yay!)

cute rain mac thing. rain mac is the ugly word for it... I want something waterproof. In jacket form

basically a lot of summer clothes

flip flops

a new pair of jeans (wow, this list is getting bigger than I originally thought)

a hair cut, I'm so bored with this shoulder length straight-ness right now

a manicure and pedicure

and that's it I think!

I'll probably post again tomorrow, maybe a bit later, you know, if I find the time between eating half my body weight in ice cream and crying out half my body weight in tears... oooh, then I'd weigh zero stone! sounds appealing...

Anyway, until then, bye my lovelies!

Lovecats

First I would just like to say thanks to all of you that care so much about my life. So many people have given me advice about CIB and APG, so thankyou for all that.
Me and CIB have only met up once since he asked me to be his girlfriend and it was in valentines day. I don't usually celebrate these days that are just set up by Hallmark to make abitof extra cash, but this is the first time i've had a boyfriend for valentines for too long. He took me to see another indie band and he did say who they were but to tell you the truth I was so busy just staring into his gorgeous eyes that I can't remember anything he said. Except for that he loves me! Yes folks, I really am in love with CIB, and as I haven't seen APG for quite a while i'm just going to think of him as a friend, only a friend and nothing more.
So, what else is new?
Well, I got some gorgeous shoes free from urban outfitters because the heel had broken, but Pops took them into work (she works at Shellys if I haven't mentioned that before) and someone she knows there fixed them, and now they're as good as new. They're not on the website but they are purple patent and extremely high. I love them.
Oh, another exciting thing is that after after just over two weeks i've been able to drop my job at Macdonalds and i'm just working longer hours at the U.O so that's all cool.
cheerio for now, i'll keep you posted on CIB.

ps. for valentines day he bought me a bunch of roses.

I just don't know what to do with myself

I took molly's advice and attempted whipping CIB into shape last night, to save me from writing anything truly horrific in my confused state, I'll just do the roleplay here.

Me- What happened on that date last time?

CIB- Nothing

Me- Listen, if you don't want to go out with me or you want to go out with someone else then just tell me because I could just be wasting my time on you and I could be doing a lot better.

pause

CIB- Will you be my girlfriend?

Me- What?

CIB- You know, like proper

Me- But you don't like me

CIB- what? of course I like you, I just asked you to be my girlfriend

Me- Oh

cue big sloppy kiss.

I'm so confused, I said yes in the end because I seriously like him, but what about APG?? I know some people said that I should go for him and I was contemplating it, almost hoping that CIB would say, 'no sorry, I don't like you whatsoever, please leave and get yourself another guy'. Ok, that was the crappest sentence on the face of the earth.
Anyway, I just don't know what to doooo. ARGH.
Well, obviously I can't do much cos I'm CIB's girlfriend (Oh gosh, I feel so restricted) now, and what the hell will I tell APG? We're going out for drinks tonight. But just as friends. I should tell him that I'm CIB's girlfriend. But then maybe he'd think that I was assuming that he was interested romantically in me, which I do, but maybe he thought he was being subtle and stuff.
bloody hell.
Going out with CIB wednesday night, I think he's taking me to a roller disco, he did buy me some skates. But maybe he's just weird. I'll let you know how things go with APG.

OH MY GOD. it's too serious to think of an inventive title

I have terrible news, well it's not too terrible if you think about it. in fact it's quite good news.
Ok, I have good and bad news. As in good and bad at the same time.
I met someone, his name... We'll call him APG- arty preppy guy. I know it's a strange combination but he wears really cute glasses and shirts from Paul Smith (I'm always falling for the rich ones, and don't even ask me how I know the shirt's Paul Smith. Alright, it had the logo on it.) but he owns an art gallery in chicago, yes, chicago as in chicago in america which is a billion gazillion miles from here but he says he's trying his luck getting his gallerys into London.
Although I'm dating CIB, APG is so nice to me and texted me this morning saying that the sun's out, even though it wasn't, and he doesn't seem like the kind of guy to like really crap indie music and act shifty on dates even though I'm falling for CIB and I'm falling even harder because of this whole 'playing hard to get' thing even though it's probably not intentional and he could go and break my heart any second now whereas APG would probably bury his own cat alive if he made me cry.
That was a very long and confusing sentence but I'm delirious with loving CIB and hating him at the same time and I think that APG is in love with me because I've been seeing him wait outside Urban Outfitters when my shift ends and he always waves at me and then looks like he's about to come over and talk to me but he never did until yesterday.
He even took me out for drinks. Oh god, I feel terrible, does that count as cheating? We didn't kiss or anything but we like, talked.
This is so confusing. I've never dated multiple people, and I don't want to start now, I mean I haven't even turned 19 yet (2 months today people, in case anyone was thinking of buying a chloé dress for me) and I've only ever had one serious relationship.
To drown my sorrows I'm going to do this survey that I copied from www.alarmclockcatastrophe.blogspot.com

1. You have $10 and need to buy snacks at a gas station, what do you get?
Mcoys, but on ly the real ones, except no immitations. Also, diet lucozade, but they don't make that so normal lucozade will do.
2. If you had to be reincarnated as some sort of sea dwelling creature, what would you be?
It's a tie between a whale and a mermaid. If I was a mermaid i'd look normal, if i was a whale i wouldn't be eaten by anything. Apart from the Japanese. No offence to the Japanese. I'm Asian too.
3. Who's your favorite Redhead?
My Ex-boyfriend, who I am still on very good terms with. George.
4. What do you order when you're at an IHOP?
What the hell's an IHOP? Is that some kind of excuse for TGI fridays. You don't know how many times I've said 'thank god it's friday' there. seriously. thank god it's friday NOW. I'm not even in a TGI fridays. Oh my god, the deliriousness has kicked in again.
5.Last book you read?
The Devil Wears Prada.
6. Have you made out with anyone on your friends list?
I don't really keep a list of my friends. But if I did I would have made out with all of them. Seriously.
7. Describe your favorite pair of underwear?
French Knickers from Topshop designer lingerie. Not just any lingerie, designer lingerie. I got them for Christmas from George, ahh george.
8. Describe the last time you were injured?
This morning I whacked my hand really hard on our kitchen counter. Not to mention my heart's been breaking ever since CIB didn't call me back.
9. Of all your friends, with whom would you want to be stuck in the middle of a jungle?
Chloé and Francis. It's a tie, they both have black belts in Karate.
10. Are there any odd things that make you feel uncomfortable?
Odd things? Well, It was pretty odd and uncomfortable making when Sarah and Francis started making out at this party we went to. That was very odd.
11. Are there any weird things that turn you on?
The smell of cheesey feet is SOOO sexy. Um, no, not particularily. I feel like I'm pretty normal with the things that excite me. ahem.
12. What is the wallpaper on your cell phone?
A picture of me and Pete Doherty at Glastonbury 2 years ago. I won a free backstage pass with Radio1!!
13. Soda?
Is that even a question?
14. Flavor of pudding?
um, i like many kinds of puddings including ice cream or brownies or cake or WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN.
15. What type of shirt are you wearing?
A black t-shirt from Urban Outfitters that has a drawing of Twiggy on it and says 'Twiggy'
16. Prescription medication?
Not that I'm aware of. And seriously, is that actually a question. How am I supposed to tell what you mean by 'prescription medication?'. That could mean, 'What is your favourite prescription medication?' or 'Do you want some prescription medication?'. So as far as I'm concerned, this question doesn't mean anything to me. I take back the answer that I wrote before.
17. If you could use only one form of transportation for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Bus, but only if it's the old double deckers that London used to have. The new one's are totally anti-short people. Have you seen how high the step is?
20. What are you listening to right now?
The Cure, as always
21. Most recent movie you've watched in a theater?
I don't go to the theatre because I don't have the time, but the absolute last one was The History Boys
22. If you could invent one thing, what would it be?
An invention machine so I could invent anything I wanted. Clever, yes?
23. Name a teacher you had the hots for?
My violin teacher, he was really fat but I couldn't tell at the time, only because I was kind of chubby too. And when I say chubby I mean bordering on clinically obese. Not really. But really. But not. God damn deliriousness...
24. What's your favorite town?
Funkytown
25. Favorite kind of cake?
Brownie cake, made out of brownies all smooshed together with hersheys chocolate sauce. And you just put your hands in there and then smear it all over your face and lick it off. It's actually a good face mask.
26. What's the first word that comes to mind right now?
Artypreppyguyandcuteindieboy. all one word.
29.What did you have for dinner LAST NIGHT?
Oh, venturing off into capitals now are we? well I'll just have to say I HAD CHICKEN KIEV.
31. What's the last thing you said out loud?
I HAD CHICKEN KIEV.
33. Look to your left, what do you see?
A wall. Beige wall paper. Lovely and peely. And a the cure poster. When i say poster i mean a 1 inch by 1 inch photo so no one would notice it there. I'm at work.
34. Who is the last person who spent $100 on you?
Um, No one. ever.
35. Go into your text message log on your phone ... the last text you received?
From APG saying 'it's sunny'. That was a long time ago.
36. What's the last piece of clothing you bought?
The last time I bought clothes was when I wasn't in debt. So I think it was that orange dress from Urban Outfitters that I wore on my first date with CIB.
37. If you could be alone with anyone right now who would it be?
WHY? The purpose of this survey was to drown my sorrows about wanting two different men. God damn you you stupid thing.
38. What do you look for physically in a partner?
Being APG. I mean CIB. Oh god.
39. What's the saddest thing that's happened to you?
Being chucked (not literally, although that would have increased the sad-factor) out of my house was pretty sad. The letter I got from my parents in rehab saying that I was being chucked out of my house was probably the saddest part. And also the lack of cute people in rehab kind of made my sadness increase.
40. What is your motto in life?
If it's hard, it's not worth doing. no, that's like my anti-motto. If there was such a thing as an anti-motto then that would be it. It's totally my anti-motto. You get the point.